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running

Published by Cara St.Hilaire

I was always athletic, even as a child starting, I suppose, with softball. Add to that tennis, years of basketball camp, and volleyball. I even scored a small tennis scholarship to a school I decided not to attend. I spent my high school years training, lifting weights, and running suicides when not actually playing in competitive games. If you played sports in high school, the word suicide likely just made you cringe.

I always hated distance running. At the start of each new season and sport, we’d always start with distance running and oh how I dreaded that.

When I was 25, I began running. I wanted to stay in shape, train for a long-distance bike ride, and I was broke. Running is free. Near my apartment in Brookline, Massachusetts, there was this great running location called The Emerald Necklace. I didn’t have a routine. I’d run there in the afternoon or even–eek–at night (oh the things I’d go back and tell my 25 year old self).

I was in the best shape of my life; the only time in my life I’ve ever comfortably worn a bikini and proudly purchased size 4 pants.

At some point, perhaps around 26 or so, I stopped running. Who knows why these things happen. I was dating someone new (my now darling husband) and working full time while bartending at night…life just changed.

I’m now 34. Though I don’t actually weigh more than before I became pregnant, my body is quite different post-baby.

Right before I got pregnant, I started to run again. My mom had been diagnosed with cancer and it was a great way to relieve stress. Then, I got pregnant and read about the dangers of running during pregnancy. Bye, bye running once again. I picked it up again for about a second on my maternity leave before I went back to work and life changed again.

One day in early May, I suddenly decided to sign up for a 5K for a lot of reasons. First, it would give me a reason to make myself run longer and push myself harder. Second, it wouldn’t allow room for excuses. Third, it would raise money for cancer. When you have moments of feeling helpless–especially against something as ugly and life-changing as cancer–raising money for your cause can feel like you are doing something.

The first run was so very hard. I chose to run around my neighborhood with Anderson that day. I don’t even think I made it a half mile before having to walk the burn off my calves, but I kept going and did a run/walk for another mile or so. Thoughts like “I hate this,” and “I’m so out of shape,” and “What the hell am I doing?” kept running through my mind, but my child loved it so much. He’d kick the stroller if I walked and make sounds of glee if I ran. If that isn’t motivation for you….

That whole first week was brutal, but I did it. I listened to old hip hop or dance music to keep me going. I started running a gorgeous, 3 mile ocean-side trail in my town. I’d set goals for myself that were really little. “Just make it to that next bench.” “Only count to 10 when you walk this time.”

Suddenly, I started to look forward to going. I started to feel glee when I hit really big milestones, like the first time I ran for 8 straight minutes before walking or when I’d shave a minute or two off my overall time. I loved pushing Anderson and I also loved the mornings when I went alone.

I ditched the headphones because it helped me to listen to my own breathing.

I realized my old sneakers were really toast after battling a few monster blisters. I bought the most comfortable pair I could find, which happened to be basically fluorescent pink. I hate pink. I love these sneakers.

I fell in love with the strength I started to feel waking up in my formerly athletic body.

Most of the time I’d run alone or with Anderson (who would yell HI at everyone going by in the other direction or sleep soundly). Sometimes it was sunny and other times I ran in the pouring rain.

Sometimes, I had buddies: my mom or my pal of 21 years (Brian, if you are reading this, don’t worry…I had a heart attack when I just did the math too).

Alone or with friends, I seemed to always find something utterly beautiful on my running adventures. Running has helped remind me how lucky I am to live where I live.

Then, the 22nd of June came. Race day. The night before, Anderson randomly decided to wake up in the wee hours of the morning. Awesome Husband got up and took him downstairs to ensure I would get enough sleep. When I woke up, I found them on the couch together snuggling. I stared at them for a while, then got them up and off we drove to New Hampshire.

The gun shot went off while I was strapping Anderson into his stroller, so I got a late start and had to make my way with the stroller through the walkers. I didn’t mind. That’s me all in black.

I ran slowly and steadily. I didn’t need to walk until maybe 2 miles in when we hit a small but long hill. After that hill, I started to feel so tired. Then, just when I needed it most, I saw my inspiration.

I met a man at the end, Bob, who needed some encouragement. We ran together and chatted for the last 1/4 of a mile. We hugged at the end. I wish I could high five Bob right now. I’ll never forget him.

When all was said and done, I couldn’t wait to see the rest of the people I love most in this world at the end: my mom, dad, and husband. I’m proud to say that I ran almost the entire thing, pushing a stroller and untrained with hills! I walked a total of 5 times for 20 seconds.

My cheerleader fell asleep somewhere along the way. He didn’t get to see the finish line.

He did get to see his grandpa after (and bonus – a big friendly pooch).

And his grammy.

For so many reasons, especially that particular day, I was so grateful to have my mom there. To see her face. To have her support. To hug her. I love her so much. I would like to beat the crap out of cancer. Even though my face is red and puffy here, I’m happy to have a picture of this moment.

The name of the run is I’m Trying. It was started just last year by two daughters in memory of their mom, who lost her battle with cancer. If you are in or near New Hampshire next year and would like to support cancer research or go on a nice run, you should give it a go.

I don’t think running will leave my life again anytime soon. I think it is here to stay.

I’m still a beginner, but if you are looking for any tips or encouragement, here goes:

Ditch the headphones. Listening to your breathing can help you pace yourself or find a rhythm.
When you start running, aim to run a little further at the beginning of each run. It is a good way to gauge progress.
Every few runs, try to push yourself a little more. I added sprints in or ran up a hill at the end for an extra challenge.
Find some sort of support system. I found mine in a runner friend, Joanna, who ended up being my text message running coach. I had a sense of accountability by writing to her after. I loved her words of encouragement along the way.
Don’t be afraid of rain. My best runs happened in the rain for some reason.
Find a way to track your progress. I used MileKeeper. I don’t know how it compares to other apps, but it worked for me.

Happy running.

Ten on Ten May 2013

Published by Cara St.Hilaire

Well, here I am on May 30th posting photos from May 10th! That’s how life has been lately. I think in blog posts, yet there isn’t always time to actually write them or unload photos from my memory cards. Now that photography is incorporated into my work life, I’m not always using my personal computer, and I’m sometimes using loaner cameras, my photo organization is an utter mess. Next up for me: some sortof photo workflow. When working on photography books at my last job, there was always this term floating around: workflow. It never really mattered to me. I totally get it now. Oh do I get it. I think I see Lightroom in my near future.

Anyway, back to Ten on Ten. You can read more about the Ten on Ten project created by A Bit of Sunshine here from my very first Ten on Ten last month.

This happened to fall on a day I was working from home and I headed out on a solo road trip that evening, so I actually only took 9 photos.

Here is my very late NINE on Ten.

morning coffee in a bird mug (I love pretty mugs and I love things with birds)

dramatic purple tulip from my garden

the glass from this petite antique vase (given to me by a dear friend) was so pretty in the bright sun coming through the window

these blankets make me very nostalgic for the newborn swaddling days

I’m obsessed with flowering trees. This beauty was spotted on the way back from the walk to daycare. It was so heavy with flowers.

I didn’t just photograph it. I ate it.

more purple tulips in my very wild garden that needs some attention

while trying out a borrowed lens, I spotted a water droplet on a hosta – but I’m not sure what that mysterious little yellow thing is

These magnets (Shakespeare, Woolf, Dickens, Tolstoy, and the outsider Monet) have been on my fridge for years. They are now hung very low and belong to Anderson who loves to play with them. Funny story. He recently took Virginia Woolf from the fridge, climbed the stairs to the bathroom, and put her in still-filled baby tub. He must have just known that drowning was her choice. Back to the photo. This is a little view from his perspective, complete with one of our three black cats in the background.

I’ll try to be a little more timely next month!

12 things I never thought I’d do before becoming a mom

Published by Cara St.Hilaire

We buried my sweet, lively grandmother this past weekend. She left us in December and we were finally able to have closure on Saturday, though I miss her an awful lot. Here she is in 1954 when my father was just an infant.

I wasn’t able to say Happy Mother’s Day to you all because things were so hectic. So, to lighten things up a bit, I’d like to share with you some of the crazy, funny things I simply never could have known I’d ever do.

Pick undigested grape skins out of the washer after washing diapers.
Do a full song and dance routine when a certain little dude doesn’t want to eat dinner.
Make loud razz/fart noises with my mouth/hand merely because it makes my child laugh.
While out for a jog with the stroller, actually run HARDER because the jiggling/speed makes him laugh. Normally I’d, uh, probably stop running if people were laughing at me.
Memorize a full library of children’s books to use when needed (fussy car rides or full blown changing table protests).
Google “wheels on the bus lyrics” because I didn’t know much past “the horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep” and honestly, that GD song is the best distraction. I also had to Google “Baa Baa Black Sheep lyrics” because I didn’t know who else got a darn bag of wool besides the master and the little boy down the lane.
Realize that I’m still watching Sesame Street even after Anderson has moved on to something else. Part 2 of this is thinking murderous thoughts about Elmo because his “La la la la, la la la la, Elmo’s world…” song is always stuck in my head. Part 3 is thinking murderous thoughts about my husband because he walks around singing that song, too.
See my husband dance his way into the living room during “Dance Party Living Room” where there is some loud music and some seriously bad dancing going on from all three of us.
Eat soggy cheerios merely because they were offered to me (how could I refuse?) or eat the remnants off of someone else’s spoon for that matter.
Think it is funny when another human being drools in my mouth.
Go out to lunch with friends with pee in my hair and a little vomit on my shirt and shrug, “oh well.”
Sing at the top of my lungs in the middle of the grocery store just because my kid is smiling about it.

This was supposed to be a list of 10, but I could go on and on. I also never knew I could love another human as much as this little boy who has stolen my heart, which by far is #1 on the list.

Speaking of being a mom, I also want to give a belated shout out to my mom. Here’s a picture of her in 1979 with my sister and I. I’m so grateful for her every single day of my life. How cute is she?

Keep dancing and singing mommas. Also, I think it is OK to want to throw the remote at Elmo and Mr. Noodle from time to time. It’s healthy.

letting go

Published by Cara St.Hilaire

I love hot yoga. I love my yoga studio. I love my yoga partner, Scott. I have a particular love for a certain yoga teacher named Tony. He is a naturally gifted yoga instructor. He doesn’t rush. He makes sure you set yourself up properly in each pose so that you get the most from every second of class. It is easy to forget to square your hips to the front of the room while setting up your Warrior I, but Tony reminds you. He makes you work hard for your Savasana; you feel like you’ve truly earned it. He also continually reminds you that you have to let go. Let go of the nagging thought. Let go of the hectic day. Let go of your to-do list. Let go of a jealous feeling you have about someone else or a negative feeling you may have about yourself. Let go of the chaotic mess in your brain that accumulates throughout the day. I’m not able to spend an hour and a half with him as much as I’d like, but I feel much more aligned (physically and mentally) after one of his classes.

So, like yoga, we gardeners also have to let go. We plant our seeds at the intersection of winter and spring, when all we want is green and life and renewal. When our seeds start to come up, we want to keep them all. They are our little babies that we’ve chosen special bedding and nutrition for (dirt), made sure they’ve been properly hydrated, and even set up incubators (grow lights) to give them the healthiest chance to thrive. Then, when they do, we have to make tough decisions.

Which ones do we say goodbye to? Which ones do we cut? We can’t keep them all. Keeping them all would mean that none of them will grow up properly because they’d be fighting for nutrition and space. Kind of sounds like our thoughts eh? Having too many thoughts floating around up there means that we can’t focus on just one and we end up feeling depleted and unhealthy.

So, fellow gardeners, it is time to say goodbye to some of your seedlings if you haven’t already.

you typically over-seed to ensure you have a good number of healthy plants

healthy seedlings under the grow light that are ready to thin out

Two seedlings in the same pod or very close means you have to let one go. It is important to use a scissor and cut the plant. Do not try to pull it out or you could damage the roots of the nearby plants.

Let’s be honest–it is hard to see the healthy seedlings clipped!

you can toss the clipped plants outside or into your compost bin

By letting go, you’ll end up with large, healthy, firmly rooted, strong thoughts–oops, I mean plants.

raising a child in this crazy, beautiful world

Published by Cara St.Hilaire

Before our babies are born, we agonize over what to eat and what not to eat. We spend days pondering over what crib is safest and what kind of swaddle will prevent SIDS. We then feed our children pesticide-free food and surround them with things labeled “organic” because we only want the best for them. We spend the majority of our time making sure our children are safe in the car, at daycare, at school, in our homes with high end car seats and well-researched schools and gates to keep them away from stairs. These pure little beings are our world and they depend on us to protect them. All we want is create a beautiful life for our families in this usually beautiful world.

The Sandy Hook parents sent their children to school in December last year in mittens and hats to keep them warm. They fed them breakfast and packed lunches for them. They made sure they got enough sleep the night before. Yet, they couldn’t keep their babies safe.

The day of the marathon here in Boston, people unknowingly gathered to watch loved ones with excitement. Husbands waited for wives, friends waited for friends, and children cheered their parents on during the last stretch of the race. The parents with children in tow made sure they had snacks packed and water on hand while not letting them out of their sight in a such a large crowd. All I can think about is the little boy, Martin, who ran out to hug his dad and died soon after. Yet, with all of the consideration of what the kids would need that day, these parents couldn’t keep their babies safe.

From the 3 month old injured in the shooting at the Aurora movie theatre in July and all of the many tragedies we’ve seen in the past few years, we parents have a lot to think about.

How do we do it? How do we raise our children? How do we keep them safe?

It is something I’ve been obsessing about all week. It makes me want to homeschool and live off the grid at moments. However, we can’t live like that. We can’t think that everything we do and every place we go, we’ll encounter some sort of evil lurking around every corner. It feels like that right now, but I’m going to quote one of my favorite characters on one of my favorite TV shows. On an episode of SVU, while discussing whether or not an 8 year old boy should have walked to the store alone for Pokeman cards, Munch said something like, “If we don’t let them have any independence, we’ll end up with safe little neurotics.” For some reason, that stuck with me. So, I suppose we have to find the balance of keeping them safe while letting them live and learn and feel like they can stand on their own two feet.

What we can do is raise our children with a ton of love. We can teach them tolerance of other people that may be different from them: different skin color, different religion, different language, different sexual-orientation, etc. We can raise them to love themselves and love other people. We can make sure they always know that we love them and build a strong foundation with affection, trust, stability, discipline, structure, and acceptance, which I can only hope will result in confidence, a positive outlook, the ability to stand up for what they believe in, a caring nature towards other people and creatures, and a sensitivity required simply to care and not become desensitized and apathetic.

I think every generation has said they have a far bigger challenge raising children than the one before. We have media overload to think about. We have to consider the amount of violence we allow into our children’s lives through the TV screen and video games. We have online bullying and online sexual predators to deal with. These are things our parents didn’t have to think about when we were children and now we have to make the rules; find balance. We have to figure out where to draw the line.

We can do this, fellow parents. We can create a generation of loving, caring children if we really put the time and effort into it. I don’t know how, but this will be what I aim for as a mom. I can’t always keep my child safe and I won’t live in fear, but I will do everything I can as a parent to make sure he has the strength, knowledge, and compassion to make a difference in this world.

Personally, I will try find a way to stop obsessing about the recent tragedies. I haven’t been able to quiet my mind while falling asleep or driving yet. I find myself imagining what those parents and families went/are going through and I let it break my heart again and again. We in Boston, New England, this country, and the globe have to find a way to not let it eat away at us, no matter how hard it may be and no matter how much we want to find a way to understand the violence, but can’t. Please feel free to share your own struggles and thoughts in the comments section below. I know we all have something to say.

happy Earth Day – what will you do?

Published by Cara St.Hilaire

Earth Day is extremely important. We should live like Earth Day is everyday, but we all need reminders to step it up a little. To do more. To take one extra step to make the world a better place for our future, the animals, and our children. Imagine our world without clean air; green spaces, clean water, enough food, edible fish, enough room for all of our trash, animal diversity, and so on?

We all know the little things matter the most. If we all avoided throwing one battery in the garbage a year, imagine how many batteries wouldn’t leak toxic stuff into the landfills every year? If we all planted just a few vegetables, imagine how much food we could collectively grow that is organic and not tainted by this wretched GMO business (more on that someday when I feel I can write without cursing)? If we all used a water bottle that wasn’t plastic once a week, imagine how many bottles wouldn’t go in a landfill? If we turned off one more light a day, that is a lot of electricity.

I wish I could install solar panels and buy a hybrid, but I can’t right now. We have a relatively green house and I’m very proud of that. Here are just a few things we do:

Compost
Grow vegetables
Buy organic food when possible
Use reusable grocery bags (we started to get lazy about this, but we’re back at it again full force)
Use a Brita Filter instead of water bottles
Use earth-friendly products for dishes, laundry, and house-cleaning
Even use bowls and spoons for Anderson that are made from corn, not plastic
Use cloth diapers and wipes, which has prevented thousands of diapers already from being throwing in a landfill to live for 500 years.

Here are a few things that I can DO BETTER. I won’t make excuses like “oh I’m just running late today” or “oh I’m so tired.” I will stick to the plan.

1. Always turn lights out. Always. At night; when we are gone; always. Sometimes, I go to bed knowing there is still a light on. No more.

2. Remember my reusable coffee mug and water bottle. I occasionally stop and get a coffee or a tea in the morning. Ok honestly, several times a week, I stop for coffee or tea on the run. Then, at work, I’ll drink water from a paper cup here and again because I’m sloppy about remembering a water bottle. This coffee mug (and my bright blue water bottle – not pictured) will prevent me from using stuff that just gets thrown out after one use. These two stainless steel containers ensure I’ll never stop for plastic beverages or styrofoam cups while out, even on road trips. If I, alone, can prevent several items per week from going into a landfill…imagine if we all did this one little thing together?

Of course I have to say it – what else can we do for animals and wildlife? Here is one idea for you, even if you don’t live in the country. Make your yard an Urban Wildlife Sanctuary. By doing small things like providing food, water, and covered living spaces, you can create a place in your backyard for wildlife. Here is more information on this HSUS program. What a great gift idea for an environmentalist!? Chris made our little yard official on my birthday a few years ago.

Without clean air and water, we have nothing.

Enjoy this Earth Day by getting outside today!

faux chicken tart

Published by Cara St.Hilaire

In the midst of an everyday sort of setting, I had a moment today when I thought I’d burst with love for my family. I was sitting next to Chris on the sofa. Anderson was crawling around the living room after one of the cats yelling “cat” at the top of his lungs (which sounds more like cah). Maybe it was the James Taylor song playing or the look on Anderson’s face? I don’t know. I just sat there smiling and thanking my lucky stars. I love them so much that my heart feels like it will explode sometimes.

Today was really slow and sweet. We didn’t even talk much and we didn’t have anything on the agenda other than some cleaning and grocery shopping, so we just sortof hung out.

I also made a new dish inspired by “Rustic Chicken Tart with Spinach and Brie” from The America’s Test Kitchen Quick Family Cookbook. I don’t like Brie and we don’t cook with chicken, but the concept seemed really easy. I just adapted the ingredients from Brie to Feta, chicken to Morningstar “Chicken” Patties and nuggets, chicken broth to veggie broth, spinach to tomatoes, and I added other things that sounded yummy like wine, onions, and garlic. Ok, so basically I rewrote the entire recipe, but it was definitely a winning combo.

Ingredients
1 pie crust (I bought mine just to make it that much easier)
2 small tomatoes or 1 large tomato
2 cups of “chicken”
6 oz feta cheese
1 clove of garlic
1/2 onion
1/4 cup veggie broth
a pat of Earth Balance/margarine
1/4 cup white wine
salt and pepper to taste
If I had parsley on hand, I would have definitely added it.

Bake your chicken. I used Morningstar Farms, but you could use any brand. I also love Quorn, for example.

Adjust your temperature to 425 degrees.

Coarsely chop onion and garlic. Also dice your tomato.

Sautee onions and garlic in Earth Balance for 2-3 minutes. Add wine, broth, tomatoes, salt, and pepper. Simmer for 5 minutes.

Remove from heat and stir the feta in.

Scoop mixture onto pie crust and spread it out, leaving a 1 inch crust border.

Fold the edge of the dough over in pleats.

If you are wondering what the textured “thing” under the tart is, it is called a Silpat. This handy invention is a non-stick baking mat, perfect for things like pies and cookies. It takes the place of parchment paper, for example.

Bake for about 20 minutes or until your crust starts to turn golden.

It doesn’t look like a huge dinner, but it is rich and the one tart fed all three of us with a piece to spare.

If fake-o chicken isn’t your thing OR you need a lighter appetizer, I’d suggest eliminating the chicken and making it a feta/tomato tart.

Here are a few pictures from our day! Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Ten on Ten April 2013

Published by Cara St.Hilaire

I love A Bit of Sunshine. It is just that — a bit of sunshine in my day when there is a new post up. Rebekah Gough is the author of this lovely blog and she is a crafter, a mom, and a photographer. Her photographs are to die for. She has an amazing style and she captures the spirit of her subjects, particularly children.

Oh, and I got to meet her last week while she was in Boston. Yup. She’s even better in real life.

She created the idea of Ten on Ten. Every 10th of the month, take one picture each hour for ten hours. I’ve been excited about it for weeks and finally, today (the 10th) arrived. I admit, it was harder than I thought it would be while working. I was working from my home today, so I did indeed take a quick photo break each hour. I think the idea of an assignment like this is good for a few reasons. First, it forces you to take the time to create. Second, it makes you practice your craft. Third, it makes you look at your daily life in a different, more appreciative way. Last, but not least, Rebekah’s idea creates a sense of community because after your photos are up, you get to paste the link on her site with the other blogs taking part in this project. Brilliant, I say.

Here is my inaugural Ten on Ten post. I tried not to use my iPhone and only use my Nikon, but wiggly one year olds and big cameras don’t always work well together. My first photo is with my iPhone as you can clearly see. The rest are with a Nikon D3100. Descriptions of each photo are below the gallery.

1. Part of the morning routine that I love because Anderson loves brushing his teeth. I sing brush, brush, brush while he chews his toothbrush and tries to take mine out of my mouth.

2. I am always tempted to rush through breakfast and then I almost always remember to stop and savor the moment, because I won’t have this forever. I’m slowly letting him use his own spoon and it is horrifically messy and completely adorable.

3. I’m also taking the online course Picturing Spring with Tracey Clark. My assignment today was to find something beautiful among daily chores. I love my Method soap because this is one of my favorite colors, it smells really delicious, and they don’t test on animals.

4. I walked Anderson to daycare and on my way back, I stopped at my favorite local coffee shop and treated myself to a frothy coffee and this chocolate croissant.

5. My red leaf plum flowering blooms died and I have forsythia now in their place. I love the long branches and blooms, but I love the flowers that are stuck in the jar even more.

6. My mom says if you have more than three of one thing, you are a collector. I definitely am a collector of teal blue glass jars/vases (especially my beloved blue Mason jar from my grandmother). I think that means I’m a collector of cats too….

7. I went to a baby shower recently and these measuring spoons were the favor. A pinch of patience, a dash of kindness, a spoonful of laughter, and a heap of love.

8. A friend gave Anderson these three books for his birthday. There is no way he won’t be a recycler, composter, and gardener. Of course he’ll be a gardener. I’m going to start training him this summer.

9. I didn’t shower today. After I dropped Anderson off, I launched right into writing the monthly newsletter for work. My hair was a mess. I was wearing a ratty sweatshirt. I wanted to find some piece of myself that felt pretty. Voila — I can’t live without earrings.

10. Oh I just love him. He loves being naked. I cropped out his little man parts just because. Trust me, his perfect, naked self is just too cute to post. You’ll have to settle for this charming “look at me I’m standing up and I think I’m awesome” smile.

seed starting tips

Published by Cara St.Hilaire

I’m beyond giddy. This is my very favorite time of year. Between packets I had, packets I picked up, and a special care package from my dad, I have most of the seeds that I need (thought I still need to place a last minute order from Johnny’s).

Last week, I started…
Marketmore and Sweet Marketmore cucumbers
California Wonder 300 and Orange Sun peppers
Russian Tarragon
Tomatoes: Mountain Magic Vine Hybrid, Ananas Noir (won from Down to Earth Digs), Best Boy, Supersweet 100 Cherry Hybrid, Amish Paste Heirloom, Crimson Cusion Beefsteak Heirloom, Burpee Big Boy, and Brandywine Red.
Red Velvet Celosia
Marigolds
Nasturtium: Jewel Mix and Empress of India
Gigante Verde Tomatillos

I’m particularly excited about tomatillos. I’ve never grown them before and I love them as a snack if they are fresh from a garden (not the ones in the grocery store – ew).

We have a grow light shelf similar to this one, only deeper and with four shelves (and we bought ours on Craigslist a few years ago because the price is pretty steep). I can’t even share a full picture of it because it is in my dark dungeon of a basement. I used seed trays from Gardener’s supply, containers from purchased annuals last year, and I even used a cardboard egg carton for the tarragon.

If you live in New England, it is time to start those seeds if you haven’t yet. Here are a few key tips for success.

DIRT IS KEY. I can’t say it enough. I’ve tried planting seeds in crap dirt like regular old Miracle Grow potting soil and it was a disaster. You can’t use regular potting soil because it is too heavy. You can’t use straight peet because it doesn’t have the nutrition to support your growing babies. You absolutely need seed starting mix OR you can make your own with perlite, peat, and really great dirt like Coast of Maine. Keep in mind, however, that peat is not considered environmentally friendly. This year, I’m testing out soil that is 50% organic potting soil and 50% Organic Mechanics Seed Starting Blend. Organic Mechanics is peat-free, environmentally friendly, organic, and made of things like coconut fiber, worm castings, rice hulls, forest materials, and turkey litter – yum!
You need some kind of light. If you don’t have grow lights, you’ll need a very bright window and you’ll need to rotate the seedlings because they’ll grow towards the light.
If you are using grow lights, keep the light as close to the seedlings as possible. If it is too high above, you’ll end up with spindly, weak stems.
A light fan is very useful to keep mildew away and to make your seedling stems stronger.
Keep the dirt moist but don’t overwater. A system that allows water to soak up from the bottom is ideal.

Good luck and share a link below if you have photos of your own seed starting. Feel free to share your favorite seed starting tip as well.

change is good

Published by Cara St.Hilaire

A close friend sent me this text message recently and it brought tears to my eyes.

I have always loved you sweet friend, but I like this Cara who is slowed down. Your job was killing you. It’s so nice to see you in this space.

I haven’t yet mentioned a huge change in my life that took place two months ago. After nearly nine years of blood, sweat, and tears at my last job, I decided to leave. 2012 was a dramatic year for me in terms of my career. I left for my maternity leave extremely stressed and unhappy at one company, working 10-12 hour days preparing the division I managed for an acquisition. I returned from maternity leave to a brand new company that provided a much happier, healthier experience. Returning from maternity leave is, however, an emotional and tumultuous experience in itself and probably one of the most stressful things a new mom can go through. One day, you are a full time mom with the important job of caring for what you love most and the next, you are in your car driving to an office park and expected to jump right back in to the usual. My first day back was surreal and I don’t even know how I made it through. It was like I left half of myself at home and I my entire equilibrium was off. I don’t think it ever stabilized.

My intentions were good after having Anderson. No more working late. No more sitting at my desk at 9:00 PM. My new company had the philosophy that family is first, work is second. It seemed like it would be such an easy line to draw with a child at home. However, when you are managing a significant number of people, particularly during a period of intense change, there is no such thing as balance. Caring deeply for the people I worked with actually made it worse, from the people I managed to the new boss that I adored. A horrible commute left me coming home in tears at least once a week.

This just wasn’t going to work. My family had to come first. Being home or working part time wasn’t in the cards for me. Oh, I kicked and screamed about going back to work in the first place. I had us selling our house and moving into an apartment so that I could stay home. My husband brought me back to the reality of a new baby and three cats in a small space while undergoing the stressful task of selling our house in a bad market.

So, when an opportunity came up to change, I took it. I took a pay cut. I left my bonus that I worked harder for than any other year behind. I stopped being a manager. I left a group of people that are some of the smartest and most driven people I’ll ever work with. I let go of some of the expenses I was able to afford before (like a bi-weekly housecleaning…which was soooo lovely). And…I’m happier than I’ve been in a very long time.

Now, I get to…
Walk Anderson to daycare when I work from my home rather than rush around like a maniac trying to get the two of us ready for the day.

our morning commute to daycare

Eat dinner with my family.
Spend my days completely immersed in photography, which was already a hobby that I wanted improve upon.
Make my own deadlines (for the most part).
Feel more peace and calm throughout the day.
Dress casually–like jeans every day casually–something that I’m still trying to feel comfortable with.
Write.
Avoid the 1-2 hour commute I had previously.
Have time alone in my house, a luxury I haven’t had since Anderson was born.

what working from home looks like

These changes are not small changes. They were the catalyst of many other changes that have started to take place.
Exercising at a nearby gym on my lunch breaks because I’m not trying to eat my lunch with one hand while typing on the other.
A more stable schedule meant that we could budget our time and money better…such as creating grocery lists and cooking healthier food at home as opposed to high-calorie take out.
Returning to my yoga practice that I left behind years ago.
Feeling creative energy throughout the day, which I had lost along the way as I climbed the ladder.

my little “garden” at work from Awesome Husband

There are still stressful days, deadlines, and the challenges of carving out time for extracurriculars as a full-time working mom. I still have a commute. Sometimes money is really tight. Sometimes I log back into work at night when I have to finish something up.

At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to take a chance, make a big life change and trust that other good things will follow. When people ask me how work is, I actually say “really good” without hesitation. That is still a crazy thought for me after years of answering with a sigh and some sort of mumbling about being stressed out.

my “wall of love” at work

Here is one of the most inspirational blog posts ever written about change. I’ve kept a printed copy of this in my notebook for years now.

Create Time to Change Your Life (Zenhabits)